Dumping on disabled toilets is for winners.

Our toilets were being cleaned, and I needed to unload some sludge. The options available were the ladies and the disabled toilet. It is generally frowned upon for a bloke to enter a girls loo without the express permission of a drunken town tart, and one wasn't to be found so I opted for the disabled one. It proved to be a rewarding experience.1. The tolet seat is higher than normal which makes for a more comfortable visit but the benefits do not stop there. Your nipsy is therefore further from the water; a good 24 inches compared with the measly 15 of a standard loo. This means deposits have time to gather more speed before they hit the water. This results in a thoroughly impressive plop, and the risk of splashback is greatly reduced due to increased anus/water distance.2. You are the only person in the room. This means that you know that any odour is of your making, and you can analyse it for nuanced notes and constituent parts. On this occasion, the smell was particularly awful, initially at least, but opening my olfactory senses allowed me to identify notes of garlic, chilli and just a hint of lemon. The complexity of this perfume would have gone unnoticed in a more public toilet, masked as it would have been by 'other mens flowers'.3. Although not made best use of on this occasion, there are bars and arm supports available. Imagine this situation. You are trying to part with a leviathan and it seems like it is coming out side ways. In any normal loo you arms would be flailing around uselessly. Not so in the disabled loo. You can grip on to the bars and really get some purchase, these constitute a significant weapon in this particular battle. When combined with the standard tactics of wrapping a tie around your forehead to stop sweat getting into your eyes, and putting your wallet in your mouth so that you can bite down without fear of shattering your teeth, you can be confident that the bastard will be parted successfully.This correspondent will be making more use of accessible toilets in future.